I close my eyes and I think just before I sleep

Wouldn’t be wonderful to be someone else?

To know what it’s like to be able to breathe

Without having to despise myself

 

I contemplate suicide for the hundredth time

But it’s too selfish of an act to execute

I can’t control the thoughts in my mind

So I resort to what makes me feel better, self abuse

 

I imagine myself dead in a car crash

The pictures in my head give me some relief

They’re like stains that cannot be washed

Monsters in my head that refuse to leave

 

I break the mirror with my bare fist

The pain and blood bring me back to life

I smile and I think of slitting open my wrist

Unconsciously I run and grab the sharpest knife

 

But I know that I probably won’t succeed

I’m too much of a coward to go though with it

So I make a small cut and watch myself bleed

Maybe I won’t feel like a zombie if only for a minute