BassemKurdi.com

In the snow covered streets of New York
In the glass walls of Manhattan’s skyscrapers
In the ceiling of my 1st Avenue apartment
In the faces of everyday random strangers
I see you

In the loud cheers of the Knicks fans
In the quiet whisper of couples in Central Park
In the indistinct sounds of casual conversations
In the silence of my lonely room after dark
I hear you

In the freezing cold of the night
In the warmth of an unexpected sunny day
In the excitement of mothers with their newborns
In the accidental touch of strangers passing my way
I feel you

In the heartache I feel seeing happy couples
In the solitude I feel wandering the neighbourhood
In the only joy I feel when I talk to you late at night
Without you, nothing tastes, sounds or looks as good
I miss you

Naturally, like any aspiring writer, I always dreamed of publishing my work. ( Layla ) was my first attempt at publishing a novel but it proved to be more difficult than I have ever imagined. Of course my second novel ( Hope ) is still a working progress that is temporarily halted due to lack of time and inspiration.

Most of you know that I also write poems, both in Arabic and English. I always pictured myself publishing these poems in a book one day once I have enough of what I consider worthy of publishing.

Sometimes I entertained the idea of publishing a book that is a collection of poems written by the many young talented Saudi writers scattered all over the kingdom. I’m an avid reader of other people’s works whether printed and published or simply shared online through the various outlets available in the cyber world. Every once in a while I read something that makes me think to myself, it would be a shame if this piece wasn’t published so that more people can enjoy it and so that this writer gets his or her proper exposure.

When I shared this idea with a talented friend of mine, Hasan Eid, he was very enthusiastic about it, perhaps more than I ever was. After talking and discussing our options, we finally decided to go through with it.

It’s still an idea. We don’t know what’s going to happen exactly yet or if it’s ever going to see the day of light but we’re hopeful. For now, we thought it would be best if we started by making a rough draft of what we want to publish.

Basically, this book will contain Hasan’s and my poems in addition to various poems by anyone whom we see fit. If you want to be a part of this dream, please go to our group called Saudi Writers on Facebook and post 1-5 poems of your work in English in the discussion post titled Poetry for The Book. In a couple of months from now, Hasan and I will choose the best ones, contact their creators, and officially tell them that their poems have been selected.

This is our chance to do something that will make us all proud. Our talents should not be secluded in certain forums or websites. Let us show the world that we can write!

Saudi Writers Group

I close my eyes and I think just before I sleep

Wouldn’t be wonderful to be someone else?

To know what it’s like to be able to breathe

Without having to despise myself

I contemplate suicide for the hundredth time

But it’s too selfish of an act to execute

I can’t control the thoughts in my mind

So I resort to what makes me feel better, self abuse

I imagine myself dead in a car crash

The pictures in my head give me some relief

They’re like stains that cannot be washed

Monsters in my head that refuse to leave

I break the mirror with my bare fist

The pain and blood bring me back to life

I smile and I think of slitting open my wrist

Unconsciously I run and grab the sharpest knife

But I know that I probably won’t succeed

I’m too much of a coward to go though with it

So I make a small cut and watch myself bleed

Maybe I won’t feel like a zombie if only for a minute

Hey, dear, I think I’m dying now
Would you believe me if I said that somehow
I don’t regret anything
Not a day and not a night
That I spent with you
Love, I see the light
They have come to take me
Would they give me a minute so I can kiss you goodbye?

Your picture is fading
It’s getting hard to see
Every time it’s raining, think of me
Those are my tears

I’m dying now
It’s not as painful as I thought it would be
The only thing that hurts about it
Is that you won’t be up there with me
But I’ll wait for you, even if it means forever
Because regardless of time and place, we belong together

There’s nothing that I wouldn’t give
If it meant that I get to live
One more day next to you
And be able to touch you like I used to do
To be able to hold you once again
I feel like I should say I’m sorry
I didn’t meant to cause you this pain
But the moment of separation has come
My time here is done
I just want you to know that you were always the one

I’m dying now
It’s not as painful as I thought it would be
The only thing that hurts about it
Is that you won’t be up there with me
But I’ll wait for you, even if it means forever
Because regardless of time and place, we belong together

I never thought it would be this hard to say goodbye
Please don’t you cry
You were everything that has ever meant anything in my life
Now dry your tears and smile
For I’ll always be near
Watching you
And guiding your every move
Any moment of any day
I’m never far away

I sleep on her side of the bed
I lay my head on her pillow
And cover myself with the scent of her that is yet to disappear
I close my eyes dreaming of one thing
And I wake up wishing for one thing
I dream and wish in the morning she would be here

I read yesterday’s newspapers
I drink my coffee black
No cream or sugar. The same way she used to drink hers
I shower and dress up
To get on with another meaningless day
I leave after I kiss goodbye each of her framed pictures

I listen to Fairouz in my car
Singing in a childish way like she used to do
Is it illogical that I still feel her presence by my side?
I hold the air as if it’s her hand
The miles seem to grow longer
And I smile so I don’t break down and cry

I come back home to emptiness
Silence can be so loud sometimes
But I escape to the sound of her voice in my head
I wait for night to come
So I can finally surrender again
And go to sleep on her side of the bed

I must confess I don’t remember the last time we kissed
I feel guilty but in my defense, I didn’t know it was going to be our last
And I can’t help feeling that there’s something I’ve missed
So, do you think I could kiss you one final time or is it too much to ask?

I also find it hard to remember our last conversation
I just know that we’ve talked about nothing and everything for hours
We were talking randomly without much concentration
You mentioned something about wanting a thousand white flowers

I think I foolishly promised you that and more
Now I don’t I have the chance to keep the promise I’ve made to you
You know I’ve never broken a promise before
But I guess it’s not my choice this time, there’s nothing much I can do

For what it’s worth, I love you and I always will
But I know that someday you’ll fade away into a beautiful past
I just want to steal a moment in which time stands still
Do you think I could kiss you one final time or is it too much to ask?

When it comes to matters of the heart
I know very well that I’m not smart
I’m an uneducated ignorant boy
Wait, that’s just the start

When it comes to matters of the heart
I admit that I’m stupid and blind
I fail to see what’s right in front of me
I fail to read between the lines

When it comes to matters of the heart
I’m not fluent or eloquent in my speech
I say the wrong things at the wrong times
Then I bite my tongue to bleed

When it comes to matters of the heart
I’m just another lonely fool
So it’s okay if you choose to refuse
This unconditional love that I have for you

I dream of her and I don’t care
If she’s dreaming of someone else
I wish her heaven and for that I’m willing to go to hell

She smiles and I smile back
By doing so I only hurt myself
I store my feelings in a box and put it up on a deserted shelf

My mouth bleeds from inside
Cut by the words trapped within
Somehow she has broken my defenses and let herself in

She has complete power over me
And being weak makes me scared
I fear one day I’ll look for her and I won’t find her there

Taken away by another man
Stolen from my pleasant dreams
But if my loss means her happiness then it’s fine with me